God In Union
Is it possible to have an open heart without being open toward one's sexual energy? (Without being open to the movement of one's desire and being loving with it?) I'm not sure if any ecstatic states can be had without it. For me, ecstatic moments are nourished by being open to the way my sexual energy moves and flows. It appears to nourish the openness of my heart, and of my brain, to moments of ecstasy and stillness in the midst of ordinary life.
When the wind rustles in the trees, when the rain falls gently, when the storm rattles my home, or when the light of our Great Star, our beloved sun, meets the grey clouds of a late fall afternoon, the ecstasy of life moves through my bones, through my central column, making it shake: Would these ecstatic moments occur if I hadn't practiced allowing my sacred creational energies to permeate my energy body?
I often ponder the traditions that make men abstinent monks. I can see that it's useful, at first, for a man to refrain from seeking sexual release, as a way to learn to control his sexual fire. And for a woman, if the man is merely focused on his release, it is usually highly unsatisfying, and matters are worse.
Yet I do not find it spiritually beneficial for women to go without a loving sexual life, as it is truly nourishing for us, and opens our heart, mind, and spirit. Sexual fulfillment for women is usually not a quick affair. It takes time to arrive in deep pleasure, a journey of building and moving with waves of expansion, contraction, feeling, emotion, reluctance, and opening: It is a constantly shifting tapestry of physical, emotional, and spiritual experience, and each moment calls for wholehearted presence. It is a meditation.
However, the quality of sexual connection is crucial for whether the experience is nourishing or frustrating for a woman. We appreciate a man who is able to hold his seed. It allows us to share each other for extended periods of time. The shared presence becomes primary, and orgasmic release a side effect. (Basically: Don't get distracted by orgasm. Stay focused on the shared ecstasy.)
Therefore I wonder if men could substitute monk-hood and abstinence with holding their seed and prioritizing connection over outcome. This would include women into spiritual expansion and allow them to meet divinity where it often dwells for us: In the experience of deep ecstatic contractions, physically and energetically, of the womb. In this way, a woman would benefit from a man's sexual discipline, and both would enjoy the resulting heights of consciousness.
Religious and spiritual hostility toward women's sexual nature greatly disturbs me in many other ways, as well. I have observed that women are expected to cover up so as to not trigger a man's sexual desire, while men do not need to worry about how much clothing they wear. This means that women are expected to protect men from having sexual responses while having to suppress their own! Have you noticed that men take their shirts off without second thought? (.As if their sisters had no appetites of their own. Or maybe men know, but they also know that it's legally sanctioned for them to show their chests and get the women's heads turning. And they know that they are safe, because women are unlikely to violently assault them for showing skin. Whereas a woman will still be considered responsible for sexual aggression coming her way. ...) This allows for a dangerous double standard in which women are expected to contain their own sexual energy while being held accountable for men's.
I want to see a world where both sexes become equally responsible for their sexual energy; a world in which a woman is expected to choose a lover wisely, and where she is never pressured into sexual connection. A world where she is not marginalized for her sexual nature, but instead loved and revered. I want to live in a world in which it is safe for women to be present to our sexual force, present to, as I like to call it: the Virgin Force.
Mangal Dosha is trouble with Mars. Mars in the 7th house wreaks havoc in matters of partnership. Its fiery rays reflect into the 1st house, of health, often inflicting serious harm. Mars in that location may give you a close-up of Eros, but his stormy and fiery nature makes it intense, with a tendency to attract senseless violence and aggression. Mars in the 7th house equals a furious samurai in your bedroom. Or a deadly ninja.
When it comes to Vedic Mars Afflictions, there are different intensities of it. I have the strong kind. I figure it's got a good karmic reason, and have decided to live with it, and live to tell the tales. The LIVE part is the crux here, I've come to realize....I wonder if it's Mangal Dosha that has blessed me with exposure to strange, and, unfortunately, often dangerous experiences. Or maybe it's simply my Gaian outfit - a female body - that attracts this kind of force.
Pondering for decades what the strange experiences mean, I currently interpret them simply as blatant hostility toward female primal force, which I call the "Virgin Force". I suspect that the very heart and life-giving essence of womanhood - her undistorted, pure, unmodified sexual force - finds itself prosecuted. As if Woman's greatest gift to humanity, her sexual love, earned her contempt, ridicule, and, when self-directed and unrepressed, a reputation of insanity. She is even said to have been accused of transgressing against the creator itself. Now this is a serious charge: Sin against the Absolute by way of possessing highly creative, primal, Virgin Force.
I wonder if what I'm observing is that, with the same intensity that this force is present, it is answered. And I imagine that it's often forceful and hostile because this Virgin Force has been removed from our acceptable knowledge for millennia. Therefore we have no capacity to meet it without deep uneasiness and are therefore trying to control it. And trying to control our own reactions to this unknowable consuming force of divine destiny, maybe we try to control what we think causes the reaction: the presence of female primal creative force.
I believe this raw virgin force directly relates to raw truth. Raw truth is freeing. If I surrender. It hits me over the head, and if I surrender, I'm struck down and stand back up - changed - forever. With that, I believe there is something of God in that force. Love and Truth, and can we stand it, can we stand in it. The virgin force flows in the presence of absolute love and truth. I am not sure if it's love and truth that enable its openness, or if it's the virgin force that blows open and away anything that is not pure.
I suspect that fear of losing control is the reason Sophia was erased, and only Logos remained. I suspect that this is why there is so much literature on sex magic focused on the man's evolution, not the woman's. Why? I wonder if maybe Woman's force, fully fledged, knows God. And so I wonder if, on the bottom line, our collective suppression of female sexuality is our collective suppression of knowing God.
My theory is: Surrender to this raw force of pure female sexual love, and it will burn everything you're not, and leave only God - a divine nature surrendered to the constant becoming, everchanging evolution, of this Gaian experiment.
What is sexual love? Sexual love is the ability to communicate unconditional love through the body. All three centers are involved: sex, heart, and mind. A woman is able to receive her lover fully, in all of his aspects, through taking him in sexually. A melting, psychologically, spiritually, and physically, occurs. Alchemy of heart, body, mind and soul becomes possible. It becomes inevitable. But I don't think everyone wants it. What it does is - it invites the man to surrender. The male ego melts. If the man surrenders, he is reborn as the Horus child. A new world is created.
It takes a very high being to be able to offer this kind of love. We underestimate this. A woman who loves through her body is usually looked down upon. A woman that's culturally respected is usually one who shows intellectual strength, but keeps her sexual strength private. A man can be known for his sex life and maintain public acceptance. This is currently still fairly impossible for a woman.
According to The Magdalene Manuscript by Tom Kenyon and Judi Sion, Jesus practiced high sex magic with his partner Mary Magdalene as a way of strengthening his energy body for what was to come. Notice, even though there were suspicions that Mary Magdalene was his intimate partner, he was able to maintain his image as the son of God, versus Mary Magdalene was portrayed pejoratively for possibly being sexually active. Even further, and it makes complete sense to me, the authors speak of Mother Mary's high evolution: Her training, and her natural pure inclination, purifying her body and consciousness, made her capable of conception by concept (spirit seed). I think that's why she was said to be "without sin." Not because of there being no man involved, but because she was completely without judgment. I wonder if she was called the Virgin Mary because she was completely pure, virgin, in her relationship with her virgin essence.
What do I mean by Virgin Force? To me, Virgin Force is a woman's pure desire, uncorrupted by prejudice and projection, and a pure, uncontaminated relationship to her primal creative force. "Virgin" has nothing to do with sexual abstinence. It has to do with abstinence from negative perceptions, distortion, and control, of that force. "Virgin" in this sense is synonymous to "pure." It's what Charles Bukowski describes as "there is no lie in her fire." Virgin Force is honest, uncontaminated desire.
What is Purity? Virginity? Honesty? It is a form of untouchedness. Untouched by distortion, judgment, misrepresentation. Untouched by the violence. Untouched by the desire to pretend something other than what is. It is the knowledge of the innocence of our primal force, of all in existence. Its inherent goodness. Its being God and All That Is.
Virgin Force plays a crucial role in creation. Pure desire is the engine of creativity. Without desire, nothing new comes into existence. It is desire for new experiences that prompts us to create - anything: technology, food, a party with friends. Virgin Force: I prefer that we restore her proper place. So that all life may thrive.
In my next life, I want to be a saint with a sex life. :-) This life, I'm working to create an environment that makes it possible.
The Sacred Serpent - Furnace of burning the seeds of karma
Kundalini force is the most sacred thing: It functions as a god installation at the core of the human body and energy body. Or rather - a goddess installation:
According to Ancient Gnostic teachings, the female pole of creation was so intrigued with her and her partner's creation of humanity, that she decided to descend into the galactic arm into which the human genome had been planted.
This makes our beloved Gaia inspirited by the female aspect of the creator energy. Therefore the matter we are, and upon which we dwell, is highly intelligent energy. When Kundalini gets activated, the sacred spirit of Gaia rises through us. We become a vessel of her creative, primal, life-giving energy. We become an inherent, aware part of her. We have Gaian equipment, and she will take care of us. Our electro-magnetic field is healed, rejuvenated, and strengthened by the earth's electro-magnetic field as well as the healthy organic matter that grows and thrives on it.
(The idea that a trans-human body will do better for our wholeness, integration, and self-/ and godrealization is a racket, and I shall go into this in a different article. For one, clearly, it doesn't have a kundalini force that is synched with the creative force of our great mother, our planet. Anything artificial will be out of synch with Gaia and therefore separate us from her life-giving force.)
"....when roused to rapid activity, it reacts strongly on the parent organism, effecting in course of time subject again to numerous factors, a marvelous transformation of the nervous system and the brain, resulting in the manifestation of a superior type of consciousness, which will be the common inheritance of man in the distant future. " Gopi Krishna
All mystery teachings deal with Kundalini. Kundalini can be roused in many ways, and different schools have different methods. Any form of meditation and spiritual activity will eventually open it. Extended lovemaking, a variety of meditation that simultaneously engages and opens the energy cauldrons of mind, heart, and sex , is a sure initiator of this potent force.
"This mechanism, known as Kundalini, is the real cause of all genuine spiritual and psychic phenomena, the biological basis of evolution and development of personality, the secret origin of all esoteric and occult doctrines, the master key to the unsolved mystery of creation, the inexhaustible source of philosophy, art and science, and the fountainhead of all religious faiths, past, present and future." Gopi Krishna
Why the common inheritance of man?
I would say that by the nature of mystery schools having remained a secret, humanity at large is not aware that this potent force is at the core of knowing oneself and knowing oneself as creator, as part of the great god/dess force that flows through all of us. Know Thyself. It's done.
Maybe this secrecy was for protection, for when the sacred serpent rises, it takes with it any subconscious crap, including previously unconscious expanded awareness. The experience can be both terrifying as well as majestic and spiritually fulfilling. Every person's experience is different, of course: Each of us is filled with a unique set of psycho-somatic patterns. So maybe this secrecy was for protection. But honestly, I doubt it.
Why do I doubt that this secrecy was for protection? Because, when people, one, two, or more, engage in extended sexual pleasure, this force will rise no matter what. No matter what. You cannot protect humanity from coming into the experience of the Sacred Serpent and knowledge she brings. Her initiation is an initiation (= beginning) into, and activation of a majestic journey of self- and god-discovery. This self- and god-realization she activates is "the common inheritance of [hu]man[s]" AS LONG AS humanity feels free to enjoy the pleasure inherent in the human body and genitals. As long as we are free and natural with our pleasure, the rising of the Sacred Serpent is inevitable.
Therefore I believe that the secrecy is in order to keep power structures intact. There are mysteries and mysteries. On the path of initiation, there is a crossroads, at which you choose: Do you pursue the path of beauty, of self-knowledge, or do you pursue the path of power, of manipulation of self and others? The path of beauty is one of surrender to the way things are, a path of achieving union with reality now, and now, and now, without judgment of the experience. The path of power is an attempt at avoiding presence with one's own pains and vulnerabilities. By manipulating the world and everyone in it, facing one's own limitations and tenderness in a human body can be avoided, or at least, delayed until there is nothing more left to try and subdue. If the path of self-knowledge wasn't obstructed by religious and scientific-to-the-exclusion-of-accepting-the-mysterious concepts, much of humanity would soon walk it, for it is a path in alignment with the nature of the human animal. There is no reason to hide the divine equipment, the god/dess installation, within each human. With proper instruction, every person can be initiated and taken through the psycho-somatic and spiritual consequences of the activation safely. But not many people know how to do this anymore, do they?
Once open, one aspect of the Sacred Serpent functions like a furnace within: When a constricting concept or a patterned emotion arises, her sacred fire rushes upwards for a few moments, burning them off, briefly incensed like the flame in a furnace into which you have thrown some seeds.
Another aspect is that God is always close. This shows up differently in different people: Some experience a non-dual, detached state of consciousness. Others experience bliss in their body. For me, it's spontaneous states of reverence. I personally let the Serpent do her work, for I trust her 1000%. It's the Sacred Serpent, the very consciousness and spirit of our planet - it has to be good.
The Sacred Serpent will, at times, intensify perception of both blissful as well as terrifying states. This is a reason to be lovingly cautious and aware with the impact Kundalini has on the human psyche and body. It opens the doors of perception, and not always will one be pleased with what's behind the door.
Therefore an attitude of surrender to life, of embracement of what-is, is helpful when encountering this sacred force: A willingness to experience both the horrendous as well as the blissful with equal acceptance. Since neither is the Ultimate itself, but only an expression of it, with that a pointer to and proof of it, taking an attitude of equilibrium toward both the pain and the pleasure allows the karmic seeds to exhaust themselves. They joy of experience is in recognizing that it proves the existence of the Ultimate, Ever-changing-form-without-end, no matter whether we approve or disapprove of the content of that experience. Interference with the natural unfolding of experience by trying to avoid the pain, or holding on to the pleasure, will make things worse.
Ultimately, it looks to me, Kundalini fire allows for the gradual burning of karmic impressions, with that gradually removing the veils upon veils upon veils of illusion that keep us from knowing our at-one-ness with the pure creative aliveness of all-that-is.
Questions, comments, feel free to email me: MaryRoseCrucis@gmail.com
Emerald Truth: You've got Gaian equipment, Gaia takes care of you.
on the earth I lie
many days have risen
the only thing I know to calm me
is SHE: GaiaMa.
the scent of ancient cedars embraces me
I can rest now
in the stillness
of this Emerald Truth.
cradled in HER magnetism
I can rest once more
perhaps til the sunrise
perhaps til tomorrow
perhaps I may sleep tonight.
the cat gently comes around my legs
sits on my sleeping bag
wetly sniffs my nose.
I can take it now:
the morning darkness no longer scares me
and perhaps one day the days will be days again.
The secret yet blatant ab/use of woman in sexmagical practice: Introduction
The following may be deeply disturbing for some of you to read, and evoke responses of disbelief, as it would have done in myself, had I not become an experiential witness to that of which I am about to speak.
Please, if you find the following difficult to integrate with your worldview, simply back away from it. I do not wish to create discord, or quarrel. I wish to illuminate a sinister undercurrent of current reality for those who are interested in this information, and whom it serves for their current purpose and understanding of their life experience. I am sharing for the sake of making it known, speaking to it, and dealing with it effectively; for the sake of protection of those exposed or potentially exposed or marginally enough exposed to feel a resonance when they read my words; for those wishing to make sense of the darker aspects of the web of life.
If you wish to fight what you read, please take it elsewhere.
Now that this is settled, that I've spoken to this aspect, I wish to state the obvious:
All my writing is based on my unique perspective on life, of the unique experiences I have had. My perspective is continuously evolving, as I imagine is yours. What I write today is my perspective of today, which does not incorporate the added information and increased clarity I will have tomorrow. Therefore, while wishing to be understood and seen, I also wish for you to take my current conclusions for what they are: temporary conclusions, ever-changing with each new awareness and insight.
It has become apparent to me, through my own personal experience, that something is happening on this planet that I find profoundly disturbing, and alarming: The deliberate use of female force for metaphysical practices - without her conscious choice, or knowledge, or inclusion.
This often includes so-called "satanic" practices of drugging women for rape, video-taped sexual acts, and prostitution, which is in the area of financial gain through the by-her-unauthorized use of a woman's life force.
In addition to these rather blatant exploitation of female force, there are way more sophisticated avenues for this quality of unauthorized use of a woman's sexual energy to occur: Practices that may have little to do with overt economic or other gain. I am not quite clear yet how this can occur on such a large scale. I've only cracked the lid on Pandora's box. I know that I'm only seeing the tip of the tip of the tip of the iceberg. And iceberg is the right word, because it appears there is a world of pure logical calculation, in which no heart is safe, and in which all progress is simply a matter of math.
I used to believe that the abuse of women, violence against women, and the brutalization of female sexuality, were mere side effects of a wounded system, and as such coming from lack of awareness or consciousness. Meaning I believed people were doing these things unconsciously. I have now come to understand that some of this is not at all lack of consciousness, rather, if I insist on retaining the CONSC word root, it is lack of conscience. I have come to realize that much that is done against women's wellbeing is designed to use women, deliberately keeping the feminine under control through trauma, secrecy, and yanking away of her budding powers.
A fully fledged woman cannot be harmed. A woman fully in her power is no longer swayable, or usable. A woman whose powers are emerging is the best target: Her powers are becoming present, but she herself hasn't seized control of them yet, may not be aware of them yet. This is the most dangerous time for a woman regarding predatorial critters. A woman possesses, by nature, something that is coveted by metaphysicians who wish to engage in creational magic: the ability to grow a seed, a concept, an idea, into a living, breathing being.
The puzzle has assembled itself. In ten dimensions, not unlike the Tree of Life, the unfathomable has become capturable. The structure, always visible, now makes sense. It's an "Open Secret," but I've been blind to it. So here I sit and wonder: "What the fuck over, Yahweh? Lucifer? THIS is a problem. I think I have to take it to your superior."
Who do they think cares about their ancient feud? Yahweh didn’t give humans free will and is jealous because Lucifer allows them now to nibble on the tree of knowledge? Really? Who do they think is interested in this battle of the Gods? Why don't they take it elsewhere?!
If you ask me, I think they're both offspring of the same tree. The tree comes into perceptibility through the oscillation between those poles, Yahweh and Lucifer. Take one off : —> No tree. The game is: "See me (the tree) through contrast."
So “there once were….” two siblings, both well-meaning, but each going about it very differently. But that's all. They're offspring. They're not IT. They’re not the “Superior,” God, Absolute Reality. Like you and me and our beloved planet, they’re an expression of it. That’s all.
So beyond, beyond, beyond we see. And we don't hesitate, we don't stop, pass go, or collect $200, instead we see: NOW. Penetrate into the heart of things and unhinge the whole racket at once.
"Hate" (in the sense of forcing away what is present) is the specialty of "the enemy," the one perceived as “enemy,” and perceiving “enemy.” And thus, returning to it anger and rejection and fighting-against is useless. For: It's not the specialty of humans. Fighting-against is NOT our strong suit. Moving-with is. Therefore the only overpowering force is Nonviolence. Truthforce. Movement from a pure and present heart. And that's a choice. THAT's what free will is. It's got nothing to do with good or bad, it just doesn't. It's just that moving-with is healthier for human beings, that's all. "It's not good, it's good FOR you."
Because the above-named "superior” loves all of itself, you cannot go wrong by being whatever you are. Whatever you are. Really. Truly. Because whatever you are, you are part of it, and you are it. And however you manifest, each moment, you are loved. That's not the question. LOVE is not the question.
The question is WILL. Free will. True will. Can my true will be different from God’s will and still be sustainable, truly pleasurable, truly desirable, truly be my true will?
To me, violence is anything that fights against the way the life force is present in each moment – a losing battle, anyway, but we try. Nonviolence is anything that moves with the way the life force is present. And if you ask me, that's the only reason to do it, to cultivate nonviolence: That it's simply healthier and less stressful to the human organism. Nonviolence works with our nature. There is a feeling of thriving, life rushing through my veins: Pulsing, halting, coagulating, even dividing. And letting my consciousness flow along with those movements is what makes all the difference. Walking straight through all violence, touched yet untouched, touched but unbothered, laying a new trail of light: And now. And now. And now. Each moment. Walking straight through all of it. Not inferring meaning from the observed. Just waking up each moment, again. And now. And now. And now.
And because that above named "superior” doesn't mind whatever the quality of your outfit, whatever adjective you dress yourself or another with, there is no need to rebel. Because you're accepted rebelling and complying. Because there is no law. There is no law.
Such is free will: The choice is yours. And it's NOT a choice between good or evil. It's not. It's between: Do I still want to fight this? Do I still want to do this to my human organism? Or do I want to position myself in a way that supports and nurtures the inherent nonviolence of this human organism? And yes, Gaian creatures do hunt to eat. Including us human apes. That's NOT what I consider violence. As I see it, hunting to eat is something that arises WITH the flow of all that is.
So our famous free will simply speaks to a choice about self-care, all-care, Gaia-care, NOT to the ability to choose "good or evil". Because there is no good or evil. There just is. Accepting our Gaian condition, which is that violence simply isn't all that natural to us, we can choose to thrive. Just for the fun of it. The joy of it. The well-feeling of it. It's simply going WITH OUR NATURE. That's what I think. It doesn't mean that conflict stops. Because discourse is part of our nature, and how we grow. It just means that fighting the conflict stops, trying to make the obvious go away, that stops.
It’s God’s will that’s my true will. And that will is what is. I can fight this will, or I can will with it. I can observe and be willing to be with its emergence through me. That’s my choice. That’s how free will manifests. No Yahweh, no Lucifer required.
That's my ode to life for today. Thanks for listening.