God In Union
Is it possible to have an open heart without being open toward one's sexual energy? (Without being open to the movement of one's desire and being loving with it?) I'm not sure if any ecstatic states can be had without it. For me, ecstatic moments are nourished by being open to the way my sexual energy moves and flows. It appears to nourish the openness of my heart, and of my brain, to moments of ecstasy and stillness in the midst of ordinary life.
When the wind rustles in the trees, when the rain falls gently, when the storm rattles my home, or when the light of our Great Star, our beloved sun, meets the grey clouds of a late fall afternoon, the ecstasy of life moves through my bones, through my central column, making it shake: Would these ecstatic moments occur if I hadn't practiced allowing my sacred creational energies to permeate my energy body?
I often ponder the traditions that make men abstinent monks. I can see that it's useful, at first, for a man to refrain from seeking sexual release, as a way to learn to control his sexual fire. And for a woman, if the man is merely focused on his release, it is usually highly unsatisfying, and matters are worse.
Yet I do not find it spiritually beneficial for women to go without a loving sexual life, as it is truly nourishing for us, and opens our heart, mind, and spirit. Sexual fulfillment for women is usually not a quick affair. It takes time to arrive in deep pleasure, a journey of building and moving with waves of expansion, contraction, feeling, emotion, reluctance, and opening: It is a constantly shifting tapestry of physical, emotional, and spiritual experience, and each moment calls for wholehearted presence. It is a meditation.
However, the quality of sexual connection is crucial for whether the experience is nourishing or frustrating for a woman. We appreciate a man who is able to hold his seed. It allows us to share each other for extended periods of time. The shared presence becomes primary, and orgasmic release a side effect. (Basically: Don't get distracted by orgasm. Stay focused on the shared ecstasy.)
Therefore I wonder if men could substitute monk-hood and abstinence with holding their seed and prioritizing connection over outcome. This would include women into spiritual expansion and allow them to meet divinity where it often dwells for us: In the experience of deep ecstatic contractions, physically and energetically, of the womb. In this way, a woman would benefit from a man's sexual discipline, and both would enjoy the resulting heights of consciousness.
Religious and spiritual hostility toward women's sexual nature greatly disturbs me in many other ways, as well. I have observed that women are expected to cover up so as to not trigger a man's sexual desire, while men do not need to worry about how much clothing they wear. This means that women are expected to protect men from having sexual responses while having to suppress their own! Have you noticed that men take their shirts off without second thought? (.As if their sisters had no appetites of their own. Or maybe men know, but they also know that it's legally sanctioned for them to show their chests and get the women's heads turning. And they know that they are safe, because women are unlikely to violently assault them for showing skin. Whereas a woman will still be considered responsible for sexual aggression coming her way. ...) This allows for a dangerous double standard in which women are expected to contain their own sexual energy while being held accountable for men's.
I want to see a world where both sexes become equally responsible for their sexual energy; a world in which a woman is expected to choose a lover wisely, and where she is never pressured into sexual connection. A world where she is not marginalized for her sexual nature, but instead loved and revered. I want to live in a world in which it is safe for women to be present to our sexual force, present to, as I like to call it: the Virgin Force.